Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Parallel Parking...

is, quite simply, evil.

Unadulterated evil.

And here's why: I can't do it. Not for the life of me. I'll try, I really will. No good. It never works. I suck at parallel parking. It terrifies me. I get all anxious and twitchy. Occasionally, it becomes a deciding factor as to whether I will drive somewhere or not. Also, I get really nervous driving somewhere I've never been before, especially in the dark. Just like parallel parking, it sometimes influences whether I will go somewhere. If I know where I'm going, I'm fine, for the most part.

Don't mock
. We are all entitled to our Kryptonite(s).

So, I have some theories:
1.) I am meant to be a recluse.
~Tempting. I might be able to last for a significant period of time if I had enough books, but I would miss my family and friends quite a bit. In the end: failure.
2.) People should visit me.
~I like this idea. Get off your lazy bums. You don't want to give me an anxiety attack do you? I'll bake you cookies. And drunk muffins. Mmmm...drunk muffins.
3.) I am meant to use public transportation.
~Actually, not a bad idea. More environmentally friendly than driving everywhere myself. May actually end up happening if I move to a large enough place. Eep! Big cities can be intimidating, though not so much anymore. That I'm getting better with.
4.) It is a conspiracy on the part of small villages.
~Perhaps just my own, but hear me out. A lot of rural towns are getting smaller and smaller. Kids graduate and decide to skip town. So what to do to keep the population up? Let's not teach our kids how to drive properly! Let's have a Driver's Ed teacher who falls asleep in the car, or one whose idea of teaching you to parallel park is not to have you park between two cones or anything rational like that, but instead to simply have you pull in behind a bus in an abandoned parking lot. Once. And heaven forbid we make sure anyone knows how to read a map. Why? Because if kids know how to drive properly, parallel park, and read a map, well heck, they'll be out of town before you know it, never to return! After all, in a big city or even a decent sized place these are necessary skills. You don't need to know any of these things to live in a village!
5.) It's just me.
~Unfortunately, the most likely. I still like number 4.

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